Saturday, May 7, 2016

The Cracker Girl's Guide to Creepy Critters, Part I

   
     One thing everyone knows about Florida is that we have lots of creepy critters. I really didn't know that Florida had this reputation until we were thinking of relocating to Washington State. The realtor was showing me house after house, and I finally asked why the windows didn't have screens. She looked at me, mouth agape, and said, "We don't have an insect problem like you do in Florida." Add to that experience, the general fright of newcomers when they see that first cockroach take flight or find a gigantic buffo toad. Natives know that we have all kinds of scary, crawling, flying, creepy animals, and we're used to them. Well, more or less. I don't think I know anyone who enjoys the sound of whirring wings as a cockroach takes flight--right at your face!
    In particular, I have issues with frogs, toads, and lizards. As long as I can remember, I've been afraid of frogs. The fear started with seeing little green tree frogs on the screen of Granny's door up in Okeechobee. The way that they puff out their throats really frightened me. And there were always at least a dozen of them on every screen in the house.Every time I'd go to take a shower, there they would be, clinging to the screen right above the shower. Throwing their necks out and peeping. I was totally convinced that they would squeeze themselves through the shower head and come plopping down on me. This is not a joke; I really would have a hard time showering because of those frogs. On July 24, 1969, that fear came true. I was getting a shower early that evening so I could watch the moon landing with Granny, Granddaddy, and the rest of the family. I was washing my hair, when, from the corner of my eye, I thought I saw the green tile move. I shut my eyes and rinsed my hair. Then, when I opened my eyes, I thought I saw the tile move again. I looked at the screen--nope, the frogs were still there. Or were they? As I turned to pull back the shower curtain, I saw them. A dozen tree frogs sitting on the shower tiles! I screamed, grabbed a towel, and ran out of that bathroom. That's when I heard Uncle Larry and the rest of them laughing! He had caught and filled that shower with frogs. Apparently, he thought that was a funny practical joke. You can be sure that I checked those shower tiles very carefully every time I took a shower after that night.
Bufo Toad--I am NOT holding it!
    Unfortunately, South Florida is host to many invasive species. One of these is the cane toad, the buffo toad. Those things are huge. They have poison on their skin that can make a dog or cat sick, and sometimes even kill them. As afraid as I am of tiny green tree frogs, that fear is multiplied for those huge, ugly toads. We had one that lived near the gas tank at the back of our house. When I would mow the yard, that thing would come out and play "chicken" with me. Well, to be honest, if it hopped out, I would just go mow elsewhere---disturbing the strict pattern Daddy set for me to mow. Sometimes, it would jump out at me when I would go to get clothes off the line at dusk. These toads are very aggressive. And they make a hissing noise.Much creepier than the tree frogs, and truly more dangerous.Although, once I could drive, I did find a way to help rid South Florida of this invasive species.  They would cover our street when it was raining. I would drive down the street and run them over. They literally popped like balloons.A most satisfying noise.
     Finally, I have never liked lizards of any type. We had hundreds of the green anole living in our yard.They would also get into the house through loose screens or people leaving the door open.  My head told me that they were not dangerous to me, but my heart said "Run!" when I saw one. I think I was mostly scared of them because my brother Billy would take them and clip them on his ear lobes and nose. Then he'd chase me. All the boys in the neighborhood would play with those lizards. I also did not like when the males would throw that red fan out of their necks when attracting females. That is just freaky. I still do not like lizards. I have a small garden in front, and it is infested with a couple of different types of lizards. If there is one on the sidewalk, it might as well be Gandolph saying, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS." When it decides to move, I continue on my journey.