The Incredible Trip--Part One

 
My brother Billy and I are very different. People are surprised that we are siblings. However, we did take one incredible trip together. 

Billy, aka "Doc"

    In the fall of 1994, our Granny passed away. It was arranged that Billy would pick me up at the Christian school where I taught, and we would drive down to Okeechobee together for the funeral. Great plan, right?
I went in to teach a couple of classes before we left. I was dressed for the funeral in a suit. My brother came to the school office. I was in the back, and I heard the receptionist say, "Are you SURE you're here for Mrs. Davis?" "Yeah." I went up and told her that it was fine.I noticed that Doc had on shorts and a t-shirt. Not exactly what I expected for Granny's funeral. I signed out and got ready to leave. A student happened to come in at that moment and asked Billy where was he taking me. "Why the blank do you need to know?" And we were off.
    Our next stop was the gas station. I offered to fill up his tank before we got on the road. I went inside to pay and get him a cup of coffee. When I was paying, the attendant whispered to me, "Are you okay?" I told her that I was with my brother and I was just fine.
    Now on to the highway. We went about half-way with no AC. I was dying in my suit, so I asked if the AC was broken. "Nope," he replied, "I was just waiting for you to ask." That problem was solved, and the journey continued. Slowly. Very slowly. Finally, I asked why was he going so slow. "Well, I've got something under the seat, and I don't want to get pulled over." A gun. He had a gun under the seat. I could just see the headlines: "Christian School Teacher Arrested on Gun Charges." I was fine with his speed now.
    We finally made it to Okeechobee and decided to stop at the McD's for some lunch. By this time, I was really worried about his clothes. He told me he had a suit, so don't worry. We had our lunch, and I went and touched up my make-up. Billy was still in his shorts and t-shirt. I asked him when was he changing. His answer? "Right now." And he changed his clothes right in the parking lot of the McDonald's. Again, those headlines flashed in my mind: "Christian School Teacher Mooned In McD's Parking Lot."

Me

    We finally made it to the funeral home. We saw the family and paid our respects to our Granny. I sat with my sister, and we both teared up as we thought of how happy Granddaddy would be to see the "Old Critter" again.
    When the funeral was over, we made our way out to the cemetery for the grave-side service. We were one of the last cars to arrive. As we  drove up, we could see the family, including many girl cousins we didn't know well,  gathering around the grave. Funny thing, as different as we are, we both burst out singing, "I like my women a little on the trashy side, when they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed."

To be continued...